A YEAR OF GROWTH
A year ago, my life underwent a seismic shift. A seemingly innocuous knock on my living room window late at night became the catalyst for a Complex PTSD episode, the culmination of three decades of concealed trauma. It was a moment that compelled me to face the horrors of my past, the malignant pain that had been festering within me for 30 years.
In the days that followed this harrowing trigger, I purchased my first guitar, a symbol that would come to represent healing, growth, and the discovery of fearless self-expression.
The onset of a prolonged CPTSD episode led me to leave home, guitar in tow, journeying from hotel to hotel across the country. I needed to be completely alone, to scream, to cry, to grieve for the years I had lost. That were taken from me. My guitar became a lifeline during those dark months, a tool for healing, a distraction, and a motivator to persevere.
Upon returning home with a somewhat clearer mind, I was faced with the necessity of making difficult decisions. I was angry, having lived in the dark, my brain shielding me from the unbearable realities of my life. A light had been switched on, and it was time for me to live.
That meant making some very big and very scary decisions...
I informed my husband of my desire to separate (we remain friends. I absolutely MUST make it clear that he was NOT one of my abuser. He is a brilliant person. We are good terms, and there are no ill feelings between us).
I quit my job.
And I spent a month sat on the floor in the kitchen, filing through sheet after sheet of my horrifying history.
Gathering evidence.
I read every word, scribble and stamp within my entire medical record - 3 huge boxes of paper (Side note: I have no idea why they printed it out instead of giving me pen drive… my poor fingers were full of papercuts) I laid my vulnerability out on the line, asking old friends, distant family, and 'people I knew, once' for letters, diaries, emails, travel documents, and anything else from my younger life that I could get my hands on. Piecing together a life that, when I saw it, all there, as one story, sent shivers through me. Made me physically sick. Made me black out, multiple times.
Made my blood run cold and my skin crawl.
A horror story.
With bundles of indexed information I somehow found the courage to present to it to police, as evidence against multiple perpetrators who had committed horrific violent sexual, mental, and physical crimes against me - since the age of two until my late twenties. Though I cannot speak in detail about these crimes, due to ongoing police investigations, I will, when the time is right. And on a grand stage.
I am SO READY. I doubt you will have ever heard a story quite like it.
REVEALING ME
After the milestone of raking control of my future - a mark of self compassion and rejecting shame - I slowly unearthed who I really was - and liked the person that I discovered underneath all of the pain.
Finding myself might sound clichéd, but it's the only way to describe the process.
That was when I launched Fierce Group, comprising Fierce PR and Fierce Futures CIC, businesses built on the principle of being oneself. My underlying mission became the cultivation of a culture of 'fearless self-expression.'
A year on, I can affirm that I've found Fearless Self Expression. It's a concept I talk about frequently, and it's more than just words. It's a philosophy, a movement, a way of life.
DISCOVERING FEARLESS SELF EXPRESSION
"Fearless Self Expression" may sound like a daft gimmick. To an extent, youre kind of right. Those words are simply a succinct, marketable and palatable strapline - but they convey a hugely important message.
Fearless Self Expression is a subject of profound importance, one that transcends the conventional view of diversity and inclusion. It's a multifaceted concept, intersectional - and more - encompassing life experience, personal taste, trauma, ways of communicating, learning, opinions, personality traits, and even humour. But what does it mean in real terms, and how can it change the world? I believe, without hyperbole, that Fearless Self Expression can change the world. A philosophy that recognises the intrinsic value and dignity of every individual, irrespective of their background, experiences, or personal characteristics.
It's a philosophy that has the potential to reshape our workplaces, our communities, and our society at large, fostering empathy, creativity, and connection.
FEARLESS SELF EXPRESSION ADVOCACY BOARD I am exited to share the news that plans are coming together for a Fearless Self Expression Advocacy Board. With several influential and fearless contributors already confirmed in post, who will assume roles as board members - my vision is coming to fruition. This is not a gimmick.
Fearless self expression has far-reaching implications, and is a movement poised to make a significant societal impact.
THIS IS NOT A GIMMICK. I REPEAT! NOT A GIMMICK The benefits of Fearless Self Expression are not confined to the realms of personal fulfilment or mere self-discovery. Rather, they encompass a profound, transformative potential that extends to the very fabric of our global society.
By cultivating an environment where individuals are empowered to express themselves without reservation, we unlock a vast reservoir of ideas, perspectives, and creativity. This is not a mere theoretical proposition; it is a tangible pathway to innovation that transcends traditional boundaries.
In the business world, this innovation can lead to groundbreaking products and services, driving economic growth and prosperity. In the realm of technology, it can foster advancements that enhance our quality of life and propel us into a future of limitless possibilities.
But the implications of Fearless Self Expression go even further. A report by the World Bank underscores the critical role that diverse perspectives play in addressing complex global challenges such as poverty, hunger, and inequality^1^. By nurturing an ethos of Fearless Self Expression, we can harness the collective creativity and collaboration required to tackle these seemingly insurmountable issues. Moreover, this concept has the potential to revolutionise our approach to conflict resolution and peacebuilding. A study conducted by the United Nations highlights the importance of inclusive dialogue, empathy, and diverse perspectives in not only resolving conflicts but in building sustainable peace^2^.
CHANGING THE WORLD
Again, I assert, without exaggeration, that Fearless Self Expression has the capacity to change the world.
By embracing this philosophy, we are not merely enhancing our personal lives; we are laying the foundation for a more compassionate, innovative, and inclusive global community. It is a vision that transcends geographical and cultural barriers, promising to leave an indelible impact on various facets of society, from economic development to humanitarian efforts.
The journey towards Fearless Self Expression must commence at the leadership level, where the provision of psychological safety becomes paramount. It is the leaders who set the tone, create the culture, and lay the groundwork for an environment where individuals feel secure in expressing their thoughts, ideas, and emotions without fear of judgement or reprisal.
I, along with members of the Fearless Self Expression board, are poised to embark on a mission to influence change at the very core of our corporate structures. Through a series of talks and workshops within workplaces, we are engaging with executives, managers, and employees to foster a culture of openness, empathy, and innovation.
Our goal is not merely to inspire change on an individual level but to instigate a systemic transformation within corporations. By working directly with those at the helm of organisations, we aim to create a ripple effect that extends beyond the confines of the boardroom.
These talks are not mere motivational speeches; they are strategic interventions designed to reshape the way corporations think, act, and operate. By emphasising the importance of psychological safety, we are laying the foundation for a corporate culture where Fearless Self Expression is not just encouraged but celebrated.
The impact of this initiative is already being felt in various sectors. Companies that have embraced this philosophy are reporting increased creativity, collaboration, and productivity. Employees feel more engaged, more valued, and more connected to their work and their colleagues.
But this is just the beginning. The real change, the profound transformation that we seek, requires a sustained effort, a continued commitment, and a relentless pursuit of a vision that transcends traditional corporate paradigms.
FEARLESS COLLECTIVE
The mission of Fearless Self Expression is not a solitary endeavour; it is a collective movement that starts with leadership and permeates every level of our society. By focusing our efforts on influencing change within corporations, we are taking a significant step towards realising a world where every individual feels empowered to be their authentic self.
It is a world that I believe in, as do the Fearless Self Expression Advocacy Board. A world that we are committed to creating, and a world that we invite others to join us in building.
THE SUBJECT OF MY NEW SONG,WILLOW
So. It's been a big year. Massive.
And, by any means, I'm not "fixed," and I don't think that's possible after what I've been through. But I'm happy to be me, to be here. I'm not brilliant on the guitar, but I'm dead proud of myself.
Music became a fundamental part of my journey - unlocking more of myself with every chord I learnt.
And today, I find myself feeling quite emotional.
Soon, I'll be recording my new song - including playing my own guitar part - that I wrote. All by myself. Can you believe it? Me! I can do that!
My new song is called "WILLOW."
It's actually a fusion of three songs: one old one, "Hurricane Hill," and two new ones that I put together as one song.
It just made sense. They were about the same person... Willow.
Willow bends without breaking.
She is resilient, and bends without breaking.
She is formidable, with roots that breaking through concrete.
She is transformative, and unrelenting, regrowing branches that are torn away. And she is an advocate sheltering , and nurturing those in her surroundings.
Willow - you didn't deserve any of the horrific things that happened to you. Warm hugs, little girl. I am so proud of you.
